Today's walk

So, this evening I was feeling a little down on myself and frustrated.  Then I thought, "Hmm...I haven't exercised in a while.  Maybe I should walk around the block."  So, five minutes later, I had donned my tennis shoes, grabbed my ipod, and got my coat out of the car.  Initially, I just set out to walk around the block.  Then, all of a sudden I had this rush of high expectations for myself and decided I wanted to walk around the block 4 times.  I've done twice before, but I figured since I hadn't walked, or really exercised at all, lately that I should give it a go.

Well, reality set in on the second lap when it started getting dark.  I came to the realization that I didn't really NEED to go around the block four times.  I decided, I'll just walk around the block as many times as I can before dark.  Then the raindrops started.  I LOVE walking in the rain, but the fact that it was raining was a little disconcerting, especially since I had looked at the weather report earlier on weather.com and they said that there was a thunderstorm that had gone through Portland and could shift over Oregon City.  With said thunderstorm, there were reports of penny-sized hail.  I wasn't so sure that I wanted to walk around the block in the hail.  So, then I decided I'd go until it was too dark to see, or it started hailing.

Surprisingly, there was no hail!  I was glad, but my glasses started fogging up on my third trip around the block. Ugh.  I could've possibly gone around a fourth time, but when the glasses fog up, it gets a little hard to see.  Not to mention that the raindrops were starting to gather on my glasses as well.

Anyways, I went around 3 times.  Not too bad.  Especially when I checked the distance on google maps and see that one time around the block is 0.8 miles.  That means I walked about 2.4 miles this evening!  I think I'll make it a goal to walk around the block at least once a day.  The more laps I put in, the better, but no pressure to do a certain number.

In addition to my walking, I think I found a new way to push myself to keep up the pace.  While I was walking, I was listening to my playlist that I so eloquently named "Yup".  It's just a mishmosh of songs I like.  No genre, no specific reason or common thread, other than the fact that I like them.  So, as I started my walk, I was just ambling on at a leisurely pace.  Of course, that changed as soon as the song "Groove is in the Heart" by Deee Lite came on.  That's the song we performed our Drum Major routines to for the USA All-Star trip to London my Junior Year of High School.  Anyways, I really like that song, just because it has a good beat and makes me want to dance-which I couldn't help doing as I was walking.  I'm sure I looked like a complete fool to any casual observer.  Ha.  I don't know that I care. 

As I was dance-walking, I noticed that I was walking in step with the song.  So, I forced myself to continue doing that until the song was over.  The next song that came on was "Everybody Dance Now" by C & C Music Factory.  Again, it had a nice beat, so I kept walking in step with it.  Soon, I had walked or jogged in step to multiple songs, and had kept up a decent pace as I walked.  I skipped songs that were too slow and songs that were way too fast to walk in step to.  It was fun-almost a game.  I think if I were to continue doing this, I wouldn't mind walking so much.  We'll see if it keeps walking fun.

I'm planning to put together a special playlist for my walks, so that I have songs that have relatively quick tempos in it to push me a bit faster on my walks.  I suppose it's always an option to skip the walking in step part, but I enjoyed it tonight, and I actually found I did it on instinct.  =)

If you want to contribute song ideas, I'd be totally open to it!  Just post them in the comments.  That is...if anyone is actually reading.

Makeup

I am 24 years old.  I just started wearing makeup on any sort of consistent basis a little over a year ago.  I didn't care about it in Jr. High, and in High School I only really wore makeup for dances or other special sorts of occasions.  Let's be honest-I didn't care a whole lot about my appearance in general at that point.  I was in Marching Band, and during competitions makeup wasn't allowed.  I probably used that as an excuse to a certain extent, even with myself, because it would mess up my "routine" to do makeup some days but not others.  I didn't have any kind of routine, so I can honestly say that was a bunch of bull shit.

However, I vividly remember girls complaining in Marching Band about how "ugly" they looked for competitions, or on trips for church (Mexicali, Quaker Meadow, Mammoth) when girls would complain about people seeing them before they had "beautified" themselves.  At that point, I thought they were ridiculous.  I thought they were vain, and to a certain extent they probably were, but I kind of get it now.

Tonight, for the first time, I looked closely at my face before I cleaned off the makeup.  Again, after I removed the makeup, I looked closely again.  It is starting to make more sense to me why these girls felt that way.  I am so used to seeing my "made-up" face, that it's hard for me to like looking at my plain, albeit God-given, face.

I wear makeup to make myself look and feel more professional, because as a 24-year-old teacher, I'm still young.  The kids are aware that I'm young (well, maybe not the Preschoolers, but the 6th graders do!).  They ask me questions about pop culture and expect me to know what they're talking about and react positively.  They expect my age to mean I'm hip.  Is that even a word anymore?  Whatever.  I use makeup as a differentiating tool.  I am not their peer.  They need to know that, and I need to know that.  For me, makeup is about making myself presentable as an adult teacher.

Yes, of course, it has become a habit.  I do wear makeup on the weekends, too.  I'm not saying that there isn't even a hint of vanity in my reasons for wearing makeup.  That's there, too.  But primarily, I wear makeup because I was told to do so in one of my classes.  A professor (or visiting speaker?) told the girls in my class that wearing makeup (and doing it properly) would help set us apart from our students.  Sure, she probably meant High Schoolers.  I still think it's valuable.

Anyways, what do you guys think?  Is make up pointless?  Is it totally worthwhile?  Do you use it?  What are your reasons for using it, or not using it?  Do you feel different when you wear it?  Do you feel different about yourself when you wear it?  Or when you take it off?

Just some thoughts.  And, to finish it off...

Girls, you are beautiful the way God made you.  You don't need makeup.  Wear it only if you choose to for your own reasons, not because our society tells you it's important-it's not!  You are!  =)

Can't sleep

I can't sleep. Does exercise have that effect on you? I don't really know.

I did half of the 100 workout that I found on pinterest. I mean, I guess I'd call it a 50 workout, lol.

I did 50 jumping jacks, 45 crunches, 40 squats, 35 leg lifts, 30 more jumping jacks, 25 more crunches, 20 more squats, 15 more leg lifts, 10 more jumping jacks, and then I walked about .8 miles. =)

Owwie. I'm sure it'll feel worse tomorrow.


I hate exercising, but it kinda feels good knowing I did it just for me. =)

94

being to timelessness as it's to time,

love did no more begin than love will end;

where nothing is to breathe to stroll to swim

love is the air the ocean and the land

(do lovers suffer? all divinities

proudly descending put on deathful flesh:

are lovers glad? only their smallest joy's

a universe emerging from a wish)

love is the voice under all silences,

the hope which has no opposite in fear;

the strength so strong mere force is feebleness:

the truth more first than sun more last than star

-do lovers love? why then to heaven with hell.

Whatever sages say and fools, all's well

e. e. cummings

Enigma

Enigma [uh-nig-ma]

noun

1. A puzzling or inexplicable occurrence or situation.

2. A person of puzzling or contradictory character.

3. A saying, question, picture, etc. containing a hidden meaning; riddle.

4. (initial capital letter) A German-built enciphering machine developed for commercial use in the early 1920s and later adapted and appropriated by German and other Axis powers for military use through World War II.

The first three definitions are close. This situation and this person definitely feel like a riddle to me. How am I supposed to take all these things? Am I just meant to think there's no major implications for any of this? Or am I to read into things and come out with some secret, intended meaning? The problem I find is that I end up doing both. I overanalyze the whole thing to death and then I walk away thinking it was all a game with the purpose of making my head spin. Well, if that was the end goal, success has been achieved. There almost has to be some greater meaning in all of this...but what if I'm wrong? I've never wanted something so much or been so afraid to venture out in search of an answer. If my hopes are reality, then the leap is entirely worth it. However, if I jump and am wrong, then I'm risking even the ground falling out from under me. It's an extremely long drop if the ground isn't there to stop you.

While I try to convince myself to ignore this predicament, I push myself to look elsewhere. But does it work? Of course not! If I ever thought it truly would, I was kidding myself. Every alternative doesn't match up with the original. I find myself comparing the new options with the primary option-subconsciously, most of the time. What amazes me is that I genuinely had myself fooled for a little while there. I thought I'd moved past all this confusion and had gone on to other opportunities. A dream I had a few nights ago shed just enough light on all of this for me to realize how poor these substitutes are for the real thing.

I'm not being fair to myself, though. I need some answers, and I think I need them sooner than I've been admitting to myself. How to get them, though, is the question. Do I close my eyes, and just allow myself to ask? What happens if I don't get the expected-no, desired-responses? Am I really willing to let myself go through a freefall? Can I wait a little while and allow the questions to simmer, while I hope and pray that the answers expose themselves without my asking?

Oh, boy. I'm in deeper than I thought.

Blogging fail

I haven't touched my blog since I started the new job! I have been so incredibly busy that I totally forgot all about it.

Anyways, maybe I'll keep blogging, but who knows. It's one of those things I have to remind myself to do.

New Job

Ok, so those of you that follow me here probably already know this, because we talk elsewhere, too! But...I got a new job! I was subbing at St. John's, but now I'm teaching Preschool full-time starting Monday! I'm very excited about the full-time aspect, and also the salary increase and benefits (which I have yet to find out about entirely).

A LOT of changes are going to take place in the Preschool class, and I may be taking pictures and posting them so that I can remember where it started, keep track of the changes, and share them with you. I am hoping to blog more often, because I know it's a good process for me to take part in.

Anyone out there? Should I keep blogging? More often, that is. I'll be blogging either way. =)