Woah

So...I fell off the planet...metaphoircally, of course.

I will try to have a real blog entry soon, but please know I have not totally and completely forgotten about this. :)

"You'll Understand When..."

This phrase is used frequently, yet those who use it rarely realize the innate condescension within the phrase. It implies so much more than the words mean on their own. It also indicates a lack if personal relationship (or at least a very deep personal relationship) with the person to whom this phrase is said.

Let's look closely at a couple examples:

1. "You'll understand when you're older."
       First of all, if the condescension is not obvious to you-woo boy are you in for a treat!
The biggest issue with this one is the implication that someone who is young cannot understand something based solely on the fact that they are younger than you. False. Someone younger than you is just as capable of understanding the same things you understand.
       Even the Bible tells "young folk" not to allow those who are older to look down on them:
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

2. "You'll understand when you have kids."
     This one is not only condescending, but it touches on a topic that can be very sensitive for some. What if the person you say this to is longing to be a parent, but isn't yet? Maybe he or she is single, but longs to be married and start a family? Or maybe the person you say this to has made the decision not to be a parent?
     By saying, "You'll understand when you have kids," you assert your privilege over the other. It feels very much like you are trying to put them in their place, like they are beneath you and belong there. Our society hands privilege to those who fit within the realm of "normal"-those who fit into the societal conventions, such as, those who get married, have 2.5 kids, and have the white picket fence.
     Let's be honest-not everyone fits into that stereotype, nor would we want them to! Can you imagine THAT boring society? Just because someone doesn't have children doesn't mean they cannot grasp what it means to love someone unconditionally, or in ways that are hard to imagine or comprehend, or what it means to deal with children. As a teacher, I know that having kids is not a vital ingredient in being successful. It also doesn't mean there are things I absolutely don't understand.

These are the most common uses of the phrase, but it is used in many other scenarios. Basically, the use of the phrase is uncalled for and condescending. The assumption with this statement is thus: "I know better than you because..."

Life experience is valuable. I don't mean to negate any real life knowledge or understanding you (or someone you know) have gained. That is true and valid.

It absolutely DOES NOT allow you to treat others as less than you because they have different life experiences (or fewer life experiences). Think before you speak. Your words carry weight.

Treat others how you would like to be treated. Acknowledge that you may not have a full grasp of someone else's understanding. Don't make assumptions.

Happy Thanksgiving, and Some BIG News!

So, today is Thanksgiving. I hope you have a wonderful time with your loved ones, you enjoy some yummy food, and you remember to say, "Thank you," to/for everyone you are grateful to/for.

In other news...you probably aren't aware of my news, because I haven't really mentioned it to many folks yet...

I bought a house! My mom and I purchased it together, and my sister and I will be living in it for now. Eventually, my mom and I would like it to be just my house, but currently she's helping and owning half. :) I officially became a homeowner yesterday! I don't have keys yet, but I'll get them Saturday. I get to go be in MY house on Sunday evening, when we'll start cleaning and preparing ourselves for painting, new carpet, etc. The official "move-in" date is Dec. 6. I use quotes, because I'll be in Idaho then, but my mom is going to supervise the movers, who will move me to my new house while I'm gone. When I come home from Idaho, it will be to my new home! :)

I am so very excited for this new adventure. I plan to take before/after photos of the paint, and then also with furniture after I get back from Idaho. :)

Battle/Army Analogies and the Bible

Lately, the whole concept of Army/Battle for the Lord has really grated on me. I don't feel like anything about Jesus' life calls us to arms or battle. I truly believe Jesus' ministry calls us to peace.

My belief, short and sweet, is that any Biblical analogy/mentioning about battle/army is truly about spiritual warfare.

That's all. I find when I say more it becomes controversial. At least with some people.

A little self-esteem boost

Yesterday I went to a friend's wedding. I've known her since 3rd or 4th grade! We lost touch for a while, but a few years ago we reconnected through Facebook. She was sweet enough to invite my sister and I to her wedding, and what a beautiful wedding it was!

While at the wedding, a couple things happened:
1. When Tracy and I arrived, we crossed paths with the mother of the bride. We hadn't seen her since I was in junior high! The first thing she said (after our names) was, "You look so beautiful!"
2. An older lady (I would guess in her 70s?) commented on how pretty my dress was and that I looked beautiful in it.
3. Two ladies asked me for help with the crossword puzzle the bride and groom had put together. After I helped them, they said, "We knew you'd know the answer! We remember you from the shower." I thought this was a funny exchange, because I wasn't at the shower...

The third one isn't so much a self-esteem booster as it is funny, but the other two are HUGE self-esteem boosters. I rarely think of myself as pretty, and this came at just the right time. I have been working to change how I eat and limit the junk I put into my body. I wouldn't say I'm quite to "clean eating" yet, but I am on the way there. I have been feeling SO much healthier, and I have lost almost 20 pounds since about 2 months ago! I have been feeling better about my body image issues (as a result? or just because?), and the comments at the wedding only made me feel better! I am so grateful for people I know and people I've never met who share positive statements like this with me. While I fully acknowledge (and possibly admit) that my self-worth is (should not be?) based on my appearance, I tend to think that it is. My pattern has been to use my beauty (or seeming lack-thereof) as a basis for how important or special I am. I know this to be false, and strongly believe it is a seed of doubt/hurt sown into my mind by Satan. I cannot thank these ladies enough for sharing God's message of beauty (even when I don't always feel beautiful) with me. I am beautiful, and so are each one of you! God doesn't make mistakes-he loves you JUST AS YOU ARE!

Enneagram and MBTI

Greetings! I know I've been a little MIA lately...but here I am!

School has started, and my schedule is getting busier. In the meantime, however, I have done a little self discovery reading. In particular, I've been reading up on the enneagram personalities. If you don't know anything about the enneagram, I would HIGHLY recommend that you go to this site, which has a lot of good info. I would also recommend looking at your local library for some books to read. A few I would recommend are this one, this one, and this one.

I first heard about the enneagram while I was a counselor for Surfside (the high school camp) at Twin Rocks Friends Camp. Our camp elders (Sarah and Dan) brought some books about enneagrams, and they offered to help the counselors (and later the campers) discover more about themselves by figuring out their enneagram personality. I took them up on the offer, being interested in the whole self-discovery thing...I've been fairly obsessed with MBTI lately, and I felt like this was a natural "next step" of sorts.

When I went to talk with Sarah and Dan, they were talking with another counselor about her enneagram personality. One passing comment in their conversation was something I connected to, and I made a statement prior to learning about the enneagram that "I must be a Helper!" The book Sarah and Dan used (the third book I linked to above) calls type 2 the Helper (so does the second book I linked), while the first book I linked calls type 2 the Giver. After going through the process to determine my enneagram personality, I was indeed a type 2. Surprised? I wasn't!

Learning more about myself has always been kind of fun, and I really enjoyed learning about the enneagram and how it can help me understand myself better. I was not aware (consciously atleast) that I am so others-focused, but I have since realized that I definitely am. I regularly let my feelings and opinions slide for others. Hmm...

The second book linked above discusses the enneagram personalities in conjunction with the MBTI personalities. As of late, I have regularly "tested" as ISFJ on the MBTI spectrum. I have tested as ESFJ in the past, and I feel that I "walk the line" between E and I, sometimes switching intentionally based on my environment (i.e., at camp I exude E as much as possible, and on vacation/breaks from school I tend to be heavily I).

It was suggested to me just last night by a co-worker that my perceived introversion may be due to my work environment. I am constantly "on", as my co-workers and I like to say, during the day...I am talking with other teachers, staff from the school/church, students, parents, etc. By the time I get home, all I want to do is sit and read, watch tv, and go to bed. My co-worker thought I was more of an extroverted person with some introverted tendencies brought on by how often I am required to interact with others. Maybe that explains some of my E/I confusion...E I E I O? No, wait...that's Old MacDonald! HA!

Anyway, as I continued to dig into the second book, I discovered that type 2s (Helpers/Givers) tend to be Extroverted/Feeling. Well, if you switch the I to E, I have both of those!

Oh goodness!

More self-discovery to come!

Weight Loss and Elimination Diet

So, I've lost about 17 lbs. since the beginning of summer. Well, actually, since the middle of the summer. I guess I was more active this summer than I thought I would be?

Ha. Anyway, I am currently doing an elimination diet. It's a specific diet, geared toward helping with autoimmune diseases. Since I have PCOS, I thought it would be a good idea. :) It seems to have helped-at least with weight loss. I am now on the phasing-in stage, where I add things in one at a time to see how my body reacts to them to see if I can start eating them again. Yesterday I tested lactose-free milk. My sister is doing the diet, too, and she has had problems with dairy in the past. She wanted to see if it was the lactose or the protein that she had issues with, so we tried splitting them up. Today was an off day, where we see if we had a reaction. I had a mild reaction to the milk, but nothing major. I had a runny nose and phlegm. Normally I wouldn't drink 3 glasses of milk in a day, though, so I feel like I wouldn't have that reaction under regular circumstances.

Tomorrow I try potatoes. I have SO missed potatoes. :)