Sunday, June 10, 2018

Non-Poetry

This afternoon, I sat down to write a poem. I felt particularly inspired, though I'm not sure what exactly triggered it. This comes from where I'm at in life currently, and some thoughts that have been "mulling" for a while made their way into it. In the end, it turned out it was quite a poem. It's more prose than poetry, but here it is nonetheless.

In the game show of life we're presented a series of doors, not knowing exactly what lies beyond. Sometimes we're given clues that can guide our decision, because in life (like a game show) we must choose. The choice is not, "DO I open a door?" but rather, "WHICH door do I open?" From time to time a door's contents are known to us and we have an understanding of what's to come or have preconceived expectations. Typically, though, what we discover behind a door is a complete surprise. We cannot fully prepare ourselves. So we take a deep breath, close our eyes, maybe say a prayer, and open the door our heart has chosen, hoping for the best.

May this door I'm about to open reveal surprises that bring peace, joy, and love. May I have the courage and tenacity to face the unknown and accept what will come. May I recognize the lovely faces surrounding me with support.

That's all I have for now. I thought about working it into a poem, but decided it was exactly what I wanted to say as it is.

Friday, May 25, 2018

Multi-dimensionality

I've been thinking lately about how people are multi-dimensional. We're not flat, static beings. Instead, we're dynamic, changing, growing, learning beings. At least I hope we ALL are...

I started thinking about this a bit after listening to a new podcast that was recommended to me by some friends (thanks John & Kate!). It's called "Harry Potter and the Sacred Text". It is a wonderful podcast that covers the content of the Harry Potter books from a sacred reading perspective. They approach the text as one would a sacred text, and they look at the text through the lens of a different theme each podcast. I've made it to the early chapters of book 2, and I'm really enjoying the insights into the text as a narrative, but also into the spiritual and sacred practices that exist within my own faith system as well as others.

The aspect of the podcast that got me thinking about the multi-dimensionality of people was the voice message segment of the podcast. At the end of each podcast, they share a voice message that they have received from a listener who has additional insight to add to a previous podcast's theme and reading. On an episode I recently listened to, the voice message was someone who talked about the fact that students are sorted into houses. They suggested that the sorting hat doesn't sort them into houses based on the areas they are already good at, or the aspects of themselves that are the strongest. For example, they said that Hermione could have EASILY been sorted into Ravenclaw which is obvious to the reader throughout the series. She is clever, studious, and applies what she has learned outside of the classroom. She is the epitome of Ravenclaw. However, the person leaving this voice message said that the sorting hat places students into houses based on their potential and the areas of themselves that need to be further established or improved. They also suggested that the "golden trio", as many refer to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, are able to work so well together not because they are all brave Gryffindors, but because they each have qualities of different houses as well. They asserted that Ron has Hufflepuff qualities and Harry has Slytherin qualities (in addition to Hermione's Ravenclaw qualities).

I thought this was brilliant.  How many times in life do we look for people who are the same as us, who share our opinions, who we can easily relate to? If you're like me, ALL THE TIME. I think, though, that an important point made in this voice message was that diversity, or how we are different, can help us grow in relationship with others.

(A friend of mine posted something similar on Facebook within the last week. I tried to find the post while drafting this blog, but I couldn't remember exactly who posted it. If I'm able to find it, I'll come back and edit this.)

I think that in addition to the diversity of thought in our relationships, we need to recognize the capacity we have for different skills, mindsets, attitudes, etc. that we each have within ourselves. As referenced above, Harry is a Gryffindor who has some qualities of a Slytherin. He is ambitious, and the sorting hat recognized the capacity he had to succeed in Slytherin. He's definitely a Gryffindor in important ways, but his Slytherin tendencies play a huge role in the plot and development of his character. I think it's important that we all recognize the various facets within ourselves in a similar way.

For me, this is an ongoing discovery. I've been fascinated by the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) for years, and I love seeing which character I'm similar to from my favorite stories when someone finds an MBTI chart. I have been learning more about the Enneagram over the last several years. I have also taken the StrengthsFinder multiple times (in different contexts). I really enjoy learning more about myself...especially when it's in a bit more of a "clinical" sense. I probably need to do some serious soul searching and face the deeper implications of my resistance to knowing myself outside of the parameters of these tests/quizzes/spectrums. For now, though, I'm pretty content to see what other people think about my personality type.

Something else that plays a huge role in this thinking for me is my current life stage. I'm entering a stage of transition. I recently decided to take some time off from teaching. I am finishing my 7th year teaching, and I'm recognizing some annual struggles I face that become very overwhelming for me. I'm not really sure what comes next, and I think that uncertainty has opened my mind to a LOT.

I'm curious what truth you find here. How do you see your multi-dimensionality playing out in your relationships or other settings?
I'm also curious what personality assessments and self-discovery tools you have used. What would you recommend to someone who is doing some soul-searching and self-discovery? Also, for those that have used MBTI, StrengthsFinder, or Enneagram (Harry Potter House)...how do you identify? I'll list mine below.

MBTI - ISFJ or ESFJ
Enneagram - 2 (Though I've wondered for the last several months if I could actually be a 7 with 2 tendencies?) I just discovered I'm actually a 6! I had mis-identified myself as a 2 for years, and I have NO idea why I thought I was a 7. (edit: 7-7-18)
StrengthsFinder - Developer, Positivity, Focus, Woo, Belief (2005); Developer, Positivity, Empathy, Adaptability, Restorative (2008); Harmony, Intellection, Input, Learner, Relator (2014)
Harry Potter House - Hufflepuff

Thursday, September 21, 2017

In Between

There's something beautiful about the "in between". You know what I'm talking about? When it's not quite one thing, yet not quite the other...

In a variety of contexts this comes up. Between sleep and awake. Torn between two options in a decision. It's a common thing. There are songs about it. Here's a couple just for some examples:






The thing is, when you're in between it's really hard to understand exactly what's happening. Either you don't know which decision to make, or you feel lost, confused, unsure. 

That mystery can be a blessing. Certainty is such a limiting thing. I find that the students who are the most unsure of something learn the most when they dig into it. Those that are so sure they know what they are doing make the most mistakes and learn little from them. When you're willing to make mistakes, ask questions, and figure it out is when growth occurs.

I'm not saying that being a decisive person is bad. I'm not saying that being awake is bad (or asleep). I'm not saying that you should questions everything and trust nothing. That's not true.

What I AM saying, is this: open your heart, mind, and eyes to where you might be "in between". Embrace it. Let yourself lean into the unknown and stretch yourself beyond your usual boundaries. Don't get carried away, though. Know your limits and stay safe. But allow yourself to expand your horizons and try on something new. Maybe it's time to take a leap of faith? Maybe it's time to speak up and let your voice be heard? Maybe it's time to acknowledge something you've been hiding from yourself?

Monday, September 18, 2017

The Sun and Moon

I've been reflecting a lot the last few days on the dichotomy of light seen in the sun and the moon. Many would likely argue that the sun is the "greater" of these two lights, but I disagree.

The sun is well known for its bright light. It is often brought up during the cold, wet winter, when people miss it and long for its bright rays to spread warmth.  I've heard several idioms or phrases that use the sun to represent positivity and all things good.

The moon, on the other hand, can be spoken of in a negative light, almost like the overshadowed younger brother. I think the moon has a bad reputation, because so many overlook its beauty and functionality.

The moon has a quiet strength about it, especially when compared to the sun. I like to think of the sun as a bumbling fool, loudly announcing its presence to anyone who will listen. The moon, though, steps onto the scene while the sun is still shouting and seeking attention. It doesn't try to steal the sun's spotlight, but rather humbly waits its turn. Its almost as if it knows its time will come. Despite all the sun's hollering, it's the moon's quiet whisper through the night that brings hope to those who hear.

No one can deny the sun's brilliance. It's obvious to all who step outside on a sunny day. If you've ever been lost on a dark night, though, you likely realize that the moon can be brilliant as well. In the dead of night, when the world has gone to sleep, the moon calmly rests in the sky sharing its gentle beams with all who need light. No matter how dark the night gets, the moon is able to light the way.

The moon also goes through phases. Sometimes its brightness is full strength, and the moon is at its largest. Other times, its light wanes. During a "New Moon", its light even seems to disappear. The beauty of the phases, though, is that its light is never gone for long.

For me, the moon represents Jesus. He is described in the book of John, chapter 1, verses 4-5 as the light of all mankind. "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." No matter how dark the night, the moon's bright, yet gentle, light is not overcome by the darkness.

May you remember that Jesus is the light shining in the darkness. When you're enveloped in darkness, as we all can be from time to time, know that Jesus is there to light the way. Look to him. Seek his gentle light as your guide. It's there, even when you can't see it. When His light is hidden from view, maybe it's a sign to wait. Don't wander on your own. The light (Jesus) is never overcome by the darkness. Pause. Listen. Seek Him. His light will quietly announce itself in a whisper when the time is right.

(I love the moon. Don't even get me started on how the moon and the ocean interact, because that could be an entire blog of its own!)

P.S. I love the sun, too. I've just been considering the moon's beauty lately. ;)

Saturday, August 12, 2017

I fell in love this week

Please don't hate me for the title of this post. It's not what you think. While I'm using the phrase "I fell in love", I'm not in love in a romantic sense. Read on for more.

(I acknowledge that there's a "cheese" factor to this, but I feel it's important for ME that I write this out...so bear with me)

I just spent the week co-directing Grad Camp, which is a camp for recent high school graduates (ages 17-19). We spent a lot of time discussing transitions and orientation/disorientation/reorientation. I feel like the Grad Camp staff got just as much out of these discussions as the campers. I know I did.

Something I noticed as I was processing through my week on my drive home is that I feel most authentic and genuine when I'm at camp.

Maybe it's something I subconsciously do that causes me to live into camp community differently than I do at home. Maybe it's a calling from God I haven't fully been aware of before now. Maybe it's something else.

What I do know, though, is that every time I have served in a camp role my heart feels so full afterward. This week was no exception.

The difference?

This week I fell in love with myself. 
I also fell deeper in love with God.

I don't want to brush that second statement off, but I really want to focus on the first. In fact, I think the second increases because of the first.

I noticed things about myself this week that I've never noticed before. I lived into the community differently than I have before, and I feel like that allowed me to see myself through a different lens.

Now it's not to say that I didn't love myself before. I did. I feel, though, there's a difference between loving something and being in love with something.

I am excited about what I discovered about myself this week. I want to dig deeper and learn more about myself. I want to practice disciplines I haven't put effort into before. I want to be a healthier me - physically, emotionally, spiritually. I want to love myself well through self care and building strong community around myself. I want to gain habits that push me toward that "self" I found this week, the one I feel hides inside and pokes her head out when I'm serving at camp.

It's not really that I'm a completely different person at camp. My core is the same. I'm still me. I don't think I've felt free to be that "self" outside of the camp setting. It's time I live into that authenticity I found. It's time to love myself and fall more in love with myself.

This is a very different post than I've posted before. It's not a done-deal process. I'm going to keep discovering myself and living into who I feel God has created me to be. Apparently I'm not done listening to him (surprise, surprise) and gaining new insight into God's image within myself.

Thank you, Lord, for a beautiful week in a beautiful location with beautiful people. Thank you for allowing me to see more of the beauty you created within me. Help me not to lose sight of that or to forget what I've learned about myself this week. Keep my eyes and heart fixed on you through the challenges of life.


Saturday, July 29, 2017

Woah

Hi friends. I'm still alive. I don't know what to post, but I have felt lately like I should pick back up on the blogging.

Soooo

Expect a (possible) resurgence in my blog posting. I'm considering blogging on certain days and either posting about certain topics or whatever sparks my imagination.

For now, be content with this:

1. My house is still great. I hate the HOA, though, so I'm considering a move.

2. I now live alone. Mom and Tracy moved out (did Mom live with us last time I blogged? I don't know. If not, she moved in...AND moved out). I now have my whole house for me, Maggie (dog), Austen (cat), and Topanga (cat).

3. Topanga is new since my last post, I'm sure. She's only 2 years old...but I don't remember when my last post was. I looked, but I forgot the date! If she's not new, she's bigger. HA!

4. I changed jobs. I now teach 5th grade at St. Luke Catholic School in Woodburn. I start my 2nd year there in just a few weeks.

5. In case it's new since I last posted...Tracy and I co-lead youth at church.

6. Last year I went on a YCEW trip to Bolivia. YCEW stands for Youth Challenged to Expand their Worldview. My YCEW trip was the first inter-generational trip. We had 6 youth and 5 adults. We spent much of our time in La Paz and did home stays with families from the local church.

There's SO much more to update you on, but I don't know what else to tell you right now. If you're curious about something in particular, comment and ask! Otherwise, I'll post again soon!

Sunday, September 6, 2015

A House on Oak St. (part 2)

Greetings! This summer has been a whirlwind! I counseled 4 summer camps and attended a conference, and tried to get some rest in between...

Of course, I promised some pictures of the house. I have some! I can show you the kitchen (current), the living room/entry area (from Christmas time), the dining room (current), and the laundry room (current). The bedrooms and bathrooms are not quite ready for a photo op (cleanliness, you see).



Here's the kitchen! We painted it yesterday (finally!), so these are "fresh off the press"!

This is the view of the "happy yellow" kitchen from the dining room. The whole time Mom and I were painting yesterday, we kept saying, "Happy yellow!" randomly. We are SO in love with this. Eventually, there will be brightly colored accents...the start of which you can see below:

If you look very closely, to the left of the pantry door there are colorful pictures from IKEA. There are also a couple colorful pictures to the right (you can only see the black of the frame in this picture). I also have brightly colored: measuring cups/spoons, juicer ("old fashioned"), towels, a few trinkets in the kitchen window, etc. 

 Now for some living room pictures. These are all from Christmas, so it looks a little different right now. I'll try to get a new set of pictures when I post pictures of the bedroom(s) and bathroom(s).

Facing from the entry way toward the Master bedroom (the door on the right!).

Facing from the dining room to the window in the living room.

At an angle from the dining room to see the window AND the door to the Master bedroom.

From the Master bedroom toward the entryway/"front door". We actually have two side doors...the front of our house (the part that faces the street) doesn't have a door. This door (above) is technically the "front door", as the other enters through the laundry room. It's not really a guest entrance. :)


Now for the dining room! It's also our music room...but it's multipurpose. We have a table we use as what I like to call a "command center". We put mail there, write memos on the whiteboard above the table about who owes who money, where we'll be when, etc. It's an info center, if you will.
View of the dining room from the kitchen.

This view is still from the kitchen, but it's at an angle, so you can see the "command center" table, and into the living room.

Here's the little bit of art we've got up right now. This is sentimental for me, because this poster was given to everyone in the band/colorguard when our band marched the Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena (2005). It was my senior year...so, everything carried a little more nostalgic/sentimental weight than it might have otherwise. :) The theme that year was "Celebrate Family", which I happen to like. I also like the colors on the poster, so I put it up.

Laundry room! :)
I LOVE this color. I once saw a picture of a laundry room in a similar color on Pinterest, and I fell in love. I knew I had to paint my laundry room some version of turquoise/aqua when I bought a house. There are still a few spots where we need to finish the cut-in on the painting, but they're not obvious in the picture. :) Also, excuse the mess. It's MUCH better than it used to be, which is why I went ahead and shared it, but ideally there wouldn't be a pile of stuff on top of the washer and dryer. :)

So, there's an update on the house! I promise I will get better at the blogging thing. I've been overwhelmed with stuff, but I started eating Whole30 14 days ago, and I all of a sudden have more energy. I plan to keep eating as much of the Whole30 plan as I can, with a little wiggle room for treats and things occasionally. It's hard being a teacher and not being able to have a little pumpkin dessert now and again. 

Anyway, I have a few more blogs planned...I need to introduce you to my new kitten, Topanga! I also want to do a Whole30 follow-up blog. I've been keeping a food diary, and tracking myself with the timeline they have on their website to see how accurate my experience is. I also will post a new photo tour of my classroom. School starts on Tuesday, and it is ALMOST done. Whew! I have a couple hours of work to put in tomorrow before I'll feel 100% ready.

I hope to schedule my blogs a little more efficiently this year. I'm thinking maybe I'll pick 3 different days a week and post different types of blogs each day-cooking, teacher/classroom, home/miscellaneous. What do you think? I think it might help me be more accountable to post if I knew I was "supposed" to post on certain days, and also if there was a general topic at hand.

Let me know what you think, and keep your eyes open for a few upcoming blogs! I'll do my best to update sooner than I did this time! Almost 3 months is altogether TOO long! <3 p="">