In Between

There's something beautiful about the "in between". You know what I'm talking about? When it's not quite one thing, yet not quite the other...

In a variety of contexts this comes up. Between sleep and awake. Torn between two options in a decision. It's a common thing. There are songs about it. Here's a couple just for some examples:

The thing is, when you're in between it's really hard to understand exactly what's happening. Either you don't know which decision to make, or you feel lost, confused, unsure. 

That mystery can be a blessing. Certainty is such a limiting thing. I find that the students who are the most unsure of something learn the most when they dig into it. Those that are so sure they know what they are doing make the most mistakes and learn little from them. When you're willing to make mistakes, ask questions, and figure it out is when growth occurs.

I'm not saying that being a decisive person is bad. I'm not saying that being awake is bad (or asleep). I'm not saying that you should questions everything and trust nothing. That's not true.

What I AM saying, is this: open your heart, mind, and eyes to where you might be "in between". Embrace it. Let yourself lean into the unknown and stretch yourself beyond your usual boundaries. Don't get carried away, though. Know your limits and stay safe. But allow yourself to expand your horizons and try on something new. Maybe it's time to take a leap of faith? Maybe it's time to speak up and let your voice be heard? Maybe it's time to acknowledge something you've been hiding from yourself?

The Sun and Moon

I've been reflecting a lot the last few days on the dichotomy of light seen in the sun and the moon. Many would likely argue that the sun is the "greater" of these two lights, but I disagree.

The sun is well known for its bright light. It is often brought up during the cold, wet winter, when people miss it and long for its bright rays to spread warmth.  I've heard several idioms or phrases that use the sun to represent positivity and all things good.

The moon, on the other hand, can be spoken of in a negative light, almost like the overshadowed younger brother. I think the moon has a bad reputation, because so many overlook its beauty and functionality.

The moon has a quiet strength about it, especially when compared to the sun. I like to think of the sun as a bumbling fool, loudly announcing its presence to anyone who will listen. The moon, though, steps onto the scene while the sun is still shouting and seeking attention. It doesn't try to steal the sun's spotlight, but rather humbly waits its turn. Its almost as if it knows its time will come. Despite all the sun's hollering, it's the moon's quiet whisper through the night that brings hope to those who hear.

No one can deny the sun's brilliance. It's obvious to all who step outside on a sunny day. If you've ever been lost on a dark night, though, you likely realize that the moon can be brilliant as well. In the dead of night, when the world has gone to sleep, the moon calmly rests in the sky sharing its gentle beams with all who need light. No matter how dark the night gets, the moon is able to light the way.

The moon also goes through phases. Sometimes its brightness is full strength, and the moon is at its largest. Other times, its light wanes. During a "New Moon", its light even seems to disappear. The beauty of the phases, though, is that its light is never gone for long.

For me, the moon represents Jesus. He is described in the book of John, chapter 1, verses 4-5 as the light of all mankind. "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." No matter how dark the night, the moon's bright, yet gentle, light is not overcome by the darkness.

May you remember that Jesus is the light shining in the darkness. When you're enveloped in darkness, as we all can be from time to time, know that Jesus is there to light the way. Look to him. Seek his gentle light as your guide. It's there, even when you can't see it. When His light is hidden from view, maybe it's a sign to wait. Don't wander on your own. The light (Jesus) is never overcome by the darkness. Pause. Listen. Seek Him. His light will quietly announce itself in a whisper when the time is right.

(I love the moon. Don't even get me started on how the moon and the ocean interact, because that could be an entire blog of its own!)

P.S. I love the sun, too. I've just been considering the moon's beauty lately. ;)

I fell in love this week

Please don't hate me for the title of this post. It's not what you think. While I'm using the phrase "I fell in love", I'm not in love in a romantic sense. Read on for more.

(I acknowledge that there's a "cheese" factor to this, but I feel it's important for ME that I write this out...so bear with me)

I just spent the week co-directing Grad Camp, which is a camp for recent high school graduates (ages 17-19). We spent a lot of time discussing transitions and orientation/disorientation/reorientation. I feel like the Grad Camp staff got just as much out of these discussions as the campers. I know I did.

Something I noticed as I was processing through my week on my drive home is that I feel most authentic and genuine when I'm at camp.

Maybe it's something I subconsciously do that causes me to live into camp community differently than I do at home. Maybe it's a calling from God I haven't fully been aware of before now. Maybe it's something else.

What I do know, though, is that every time I have served in a camp role my heart feels so full afterward. This week was no exception.

The difference?

This week I fell in love with myself. 
I also fell deeper in love with God.

I don't want to brush that second statement off, but I really want to focus on the first. In fact, I think the second increases because of the first.

I noticed things about myself this week that I've never noticed before. I lived into the community differently than I have before, and I feel like that allowed me to see myself through a different lens.

Now it's not to say that I didn't love myself before. I did. I feel, though, there's a difference between loving something and being in love with something.

I am excited about what I discovered about myself this week. I want to dig deeper and learn more about myself. I want to practice disciplines I haven't put effort into before. I want to be a healthier me - physically, emotionally, spiritually. I want to love myself well through self care and building strong community around myself. I want to gain habits that push me toward that "self" I found this week, the one I feel hides inside and pokes her head out when I'm serving at camp.

It's not really that I'm a completely different person at camp. My core is the same. I'm still me. I don't think I've felt free to be that "self" outside of the camp setting. It's time I live into that authenticity I found. It's time to love myself and fall more in love with myself.

This is a very different post than I've posted before. It's not a done-deal process. I'm going to keep discovering myself and living into who I feel God has created me to be. Apparently I'm not done listening to him (surprise, surprise) and gaining new insight into God's image within myself.

Thank you, Lord, for a beautiful week in a beautiful location with beautiful people. Thank you for allowing me to see more of the beauty you created within me. Help me not to lose sight of that or to forget what I've learned about myself this week. Keep my eyes and heart fixed on you through the challenges of life.

Woah

Hi friends. I'm still alive. I don't know what to post, but I have felt lately like I should pick back up on the blogging.

Soooo

Expect a (possible) resurgence in my blog posting. I'm considering blogging on certain days and either posting about certain topics or whatever sparks my imagination.

For now, be content with this:

1. My house is still great. I hate the HOA, though, so I'm considering a move.

2. I now live alone. Mom and Tracy moved out (did Mom live with us last time I blogged? I don't know. If not, she moved in...AND moved out). I now have my whole house for me, Maggie (dog), Austen (cat), and Topanga (cat).

3. Topanga is new since my last post, I'm sure. She's only 2 years old...but I don't remember when my last post was. I looked, but I forgot the date! If she's not new, she's bigger. HA!

4. I changed jobs. I now teach 5th grade at St. Luke Catholic School in Woodburn. I start my 2nd year there in just a few weeks.

5. In case it's new since I last posted...Tracy and I co-lead youth at church.

6. Last year I went on a YCEW trip to Bolivia. YCEW stands for Youth Challenged to Expand their Worldview. My YCEW trip was the first inter-generational trip. We had 6 youth and 5 adults. We spent much of our time in La Paz and did home stays with families from the local church.

There's SO much more to update you on, but I don't know what else to tell you right now. If you're curious about something in particular, comment and ask! Otherwise, I'll post again soon!