So, I haven't been feeling all that well. I left school this afternoon right at 3:30-something I haven't done since the school year started. I was ok with it, because I am so under the weather.
But here's the thing...I have gotten a lot done, and it's only 7:42 (as I start this post, anyways). I put my new license plates on my car (still un-named, so any ideas are helpful. Biblical, female, FZG, whatever). I made dinner (and I didn't just heat up leftovers, either!). Ok, so dinner wasn't hard. It was pasta with olive oil, salt and pepper, sundried tomatoes, and mozzarella cheese. But still. I cooked it. Then I ate dinner. Then I made cookies. Chocolate chip cookies. Yum. Then I prepped the coffee maker for tomorrow morning. That hasn't happened in more than a week. I have just been doing it all in the morning. I also washed all my dishes, either in the dishwasher or by hand. I put my lunch together and put it in the fridge.
How? I seriously don't understand how I did all that, and it's only 7:42. I guess when you've been home for 4 hours, you can get stuff done? Or maybe it's that I'm normally just lazy?
I guess it doesn't really matter. I should be grateful I got all of that done!
In other news, I am crawling into bed right now.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Accepting Responsibility
It is incredibly hard for me when someone doesn't admit their fault when they make a mistake. Honestly, I understand why you don't want to admit you messed up. It's hard for all of us. However, what's even harder for me is when we both make a mistake in the situation, I bite the bullet and admit my portion of fault, and you don't even acknowledge that you messed up.
There are multiple things that have brought this up, but I don't pin this onto any of my readers (at least not the ones I'm aware of!). Most of all, this is about my students. I admit to my students when I make a mistake. I'm human, and I want them to know it. However, I expect that they continue to show me respect despite my faults. I show them respect, and I acknowledge that they are still learning and growing. I want them to understand that I am too! This is why it is so frustrating for me when my students don't own their mistakes. WE ALL MAKE THEM. NO ONE SHOULD JUDGE YOU FOR THEM. Yes, I'm aware that people will judge you for your mistakes (because they're human), but in all reality, we should show one another some grace and understand that they will mess up from time to time (because they're human).
Really. We're all human. Can we take a moment to consider that? God didn't make us perfect. We're made in His image, but that doesn't mean we are an EXACT likeness of Him. I don't know about you, but if God is as wonderful and awesome as I believe Him to be, I don't think He'd feel any need to clone Himself. Don't you agree? We are made in His image, meaning we take after Him in some ways, but not all ways. This is why it's so important to give grace.
Now, the part that is hardest for me, is giving grace when someone won't acknowledge their mistakes and admit that they messed up. No, let's change that. The hardest part for me is giving grace to someone when they mess up, won't admit their fault, and then try to make it out to be my fault. Um, no. That's not how this works.
I'm not trying to air dirty laundry via the internet. Nor am I trying to point fingers and get everyone to notice someone's flaws. However, I feel the need to vent. As this is my blog, and the person I am feeling the need to vent about almost certainly does not read this, I am going to write about it.
Last week, one of my co-workers asked me if I could cover the door for her a few days this week because she needed to drop her "daughter" (exchange student) off at school and was afraid she'd be late due to traffic. I told her I would, but could she please put a note in my box so that I would remember. She said she'd write a note and put it in my box.
I went to California this weekend, had a blast seeing friends and celebrating the upcoming birth of a friend's baby-my "nephew". So excited. Needless to say, I was very distracted this weekend, and forgot all about covering the door, which days she needed me to do that, and everything that related to it. Even if I had realized that I didn't remember the information, I would have expected the note to jog my memory when I saw it, and I wouldn't have worried about it. However, I wasn't thinking about it AT ALL.
Monday morning rolls around. I arrive at work, check my box, go about my business. There was nothing in my box when I arrived on Monday morning. In between classes later in the morning, I went back to the office to put something in someone else's box. Lo and behold, there in my box, was a reminder note about covering the door. It said Monday, Thursday, and Friday were the days she needed me to cover. "Hmm..." I thought. Really? It's Monday, and the note appears afterwards? Ok...
Well, she walks into the office a minute later and asks me, "What happened?" I kind of looked at her dumbly, expecting more than that. When I said nothing, she continued, "I thought you were going to cover the door for me this morning?" I mustered up as much grace and patience as I could in my response, and said, "I didn't have a note in my box this morning when I arrived, and I had forgotten which days you needed me to cover the door." She replied, "Ok, honey. It was Monday, Thursday, and Friday." I began to get a little frustrated. "Yes, I got the note now. I will be there Thursday and Friday to cover."
Frustrating tingled through my body, and I felt like I had just been treated like a child. I could not believe that my co-worker was treating me this way. I let it go (I thought), and moved on. Oh, little did I know that it would come up again. This morning, I went to cover the door, and she was there (5 minutes before I was asked to be there), and I said, "I thought you needed me to cover the door?" She answered, "No, honey. It was just in case I was late." I was SO irked by this, that I had a hard time holding my tongue. I said, "Oh. I didn't realize it was just in case. I thought you knew you wouldn't be here." "No, honey. I wasn't sure how traffic would be, and I didn't hit any traffic. Monday was when I really needed it. The traffic was bad then."
DID SHE REALLY BRING MONDAY UP? Did I not ask for a note for a reason? I am not stupid. I know myself. I asked for a note, because I knew that I wouldn't remember. Tomorrow, if she treats me that way again, I'll make a mental note not to help her out again. She's been rude, and I'm over being treated like this.
Then again, anyone who knows me will know that I'll have a hard time holding my ground and not helping. I always give in on those things.
The part that amazes me, is that she admitted ZERO fault in the situation. She didn't give me a note until after the fact on Monday, and she is treating me like I messed it up. And what's worse, is that she acted like this in front of other staff, too. Calling me out on my shit is fine. Calling me out on my shit in front of people ISN'T FINE. Calling me out on my shit and ignoring your own shit in front of other people is even LESS FINE!!!
Rant over. I need to chill out tonight. :)
There are multiple things that have brought this up, but I don't pin this onto any of my readers (at least not the ones I'm aware of!). Most of all, this is about my students. I admit to my students when I make a mistake. I'm human, and I want them to know it. However, I expect that they continue to show me respect despite my faults. I show them respect, and I acknowledge that they are still learning and growing. I want them to understand that I am too! This is why it is so frustrating for me when my students don't own their mistakes. WE ALL MAKE THEM. NO ONE SHOULD JUDGE YOU FOR THEM. Yes, I'm aware that people will judge you for your mistakes (because they're human), but in all reality, we should show one another some grace and understand that they will mess up from time to time (because they're human).
Really. We're all human. Can we take a moment to consider that? God didn't make us perfect. We're made in His image, but that doesn't mean we are an EXACT likeness of Him. I don't know about you, but if God is as wonderful and awesome as I believe Him to be, I don't think He'd feel any need to clone Himself. Don't you agree? We are made in His image, meaning we take after Him in some ways, but not all ways. This is why it's so important to give grace.
Now, the part that is hardest for me, is giving grace when someone won't acknowledge their mistakes and admit that they messed up. No, let's change that. The hardest part for me is giving grace to someone when they mess up, won't admit their fault, and then try to make it out to be my fault. Um, no. That's not how this works.
I'm not trying to air dirty laundry via the internet. Nor am I trying to point fingers and get everyone to notice someone's flaws. However, I feel the need to vent. As this is my blog, and the person I am feeling the need to vent about almost certainly does not read this, I am going to write about it.
Last week, one of my co-workers asked me if I could cover the door for her a few days this week because she needed to drop her "daughter" (exchange student) off at school and was afraid she'd be late due to traffic. I told her I would, but could she please put a note in my box so that I would remember. She said she'd write a note and put it in my box.
I went to California this weekend, had a blast seeing friends and celebrating the upcoming birth of a friend's baby-my "nephew". So excited. Needless to say, I was very distracted this weekend, and forgot all about covering the door, which days she needed me to do that, and everything that related to it. Even if I had realized that I didn't remember the information, I would have expected the note to jog my memory when I saw it, and I wouldn't have worried about it. However, I wasn't thinking about it AT ALL.
Monday morning rolls around. I arrive at work, check my box, go about my business. There was nothing in my box when I arrived on Monday morning. In between classes later in the morning, I went back to the office to put something in someone else's box. Lo and behold, there in my box, was a reminder note about covering the door. It said Monday, Thursday, and Friday were the days she needed me to cover. "Hmm..." I thought. Really? It's Monday, and the note appears afterwards? Ok...
Well, she walks into the office a minute later and asks me, "What happened?" I kind of looked at her dumbly, expecting more than that. When I said nothing, she continued, "I thought you were going to cover the door for me this morning?" I mustered up as much grace and patience as I could in my response, and said, "I didn't have a note in my box this morning when I arrived, and I had forgotten which days you needed me to cover the door." She replied, "Ok, honey. It was Monday, Thursday, and Friday." I began to get a little frustrated. "Yes, I got the note now. I will be there Thursday and Friday to cover."
Frustrating tingled through my body, and I felt like I had just been treated like a child. I could not believe that my co-worker was treating me this way. I let it go (I thought), and moved on. Oh, little did I know that it would come up again. This morning, I went to cover the door, and she was there (5 minutes before I was asked to be there), and I said, "I thought you needed me to cover the door?" She answered, "No, honey. It was just in case I was late." I was SO irked by this, that I had a hard time holding my tongue. I said, "Oh. I didn't realize it was just in case. I thought you knew you wouldn't be here." "No, honey. I wasn't sure how traffic would be, and I didn't hit any traffic. Monday was when I really needed it. The traffic was bad then."
DID SHE REALLY BRING MONDAY UP? Did I not ask for a note for a reason? I am not stupid. I know myself. I asked for a note, because I knew that I wouldn't remember. Tomorrow, if she treats me that way again, I'll make a mental note not to help her out again. She's been rude, and I'm over being treated like this.
Then again, anyone who knows me will know that I'll have a hard time holding my ground and not helping. I always give in on those things.
The part that amazes me, is that she admitted ZERO fault in the situation. She didn't give me a note until after the fact on Monday, and she is treating me like I messed it up. And what's worse, is that she acted like this in front of other staff, too. Calling me out on my shit is fine. Calling me out on my shit in front of people ISN'T FINE. Calling me out on my shit and ignoring your own shit in front of other people is even LESS FINE!!!
Rant over. I need to chill out tonight. :)
Monday, October 15, 2012
Not so smooth segue...
Ok, so the main reason I'm writing this post is to share my response to a question tonight that didn't exactly match. Who knows what I'll have written by the end. I tend to type a lot once I get started. But first, you need the background story:
So, I've been attending Oregon City Evangelical Church (OCEC for short). OCEC isn't a Quaker/Friends church, but since the nearest Quaker/Friends church is a little bit of a drive, I decided I'd look for a church in my community where I thought I could be comfortable with our differences in belief. Well, I was doing some research on yellowpages.com, looking through the list of churches and clicking links to take me to the church's webpage (when provided). I also took a silly quiz I found online to see which denomination I belonged to. Well, those things are never 100%, you know, but it seemed fairly close based on where I would put myself. So, it gave some denominations that were similar.
OCEC is an "Evangelical Church" that comes from the Evangelical United Brethren Church. I'm not exactly sure on the history here, but that's ok. I had never heard of the EUBC, so I called my mom and she said it was something that could work for me. She also said my aunt had attended an EUBC at one time.
Ok, so I looked a little closer at OCEC. It seemed fairly large (nothing compared to Rose Drive, though!). They have 3 services on Sunday mornings, programs for kids nursery-high school, the have a variety of "growth groups" that meet throughout the week, including "The Inn", which is a group for 18-30(ish) year olds. THEY HAVE A GROUP FOR PEOPLE MY AGE!!! Ok, now if that wasn't enough, they also have a pretty good music program, too! There's a choir, a praise band, they have instrumentalists (trumpet, trombone, etc) that play along with the praise band; the REAL kicker, though, is that they have a handbell choir!
Um...yes? I think so! I've been going for the last 3 Sundays. I've been to the "Inn" once and handbells once. So far, I think this could be a good fit for me. It's nearby, has the kinds of programs I feel comfortable with, and even better? They focus on service. My very first week there, they were doing a blood drive, so I donated. I think I might also sign up to help at the Harvest/Fall whatever they call it thing on Halloween. I need to find out my work commitment that evening first, though.
Anyways, now to the segue I was referring to. Tonight I went to handbells for the first time. Things like that are always interesting to me, because you never know what you're walking in to. The group was excited I was there, and a few of them asked questions. For example: Have you played bells before? How long? So on and so forth.
Then, someone asked me to tell them about myself: "Are you married? Do you have kids?" My response: "No, I'm not married. I work at St. John the Apostle Catholic School."
Now, you tell me. Does that answer match the question? I don't think so. They didn't ask, "Where do you work?" or "What do you do?" They asked if I was married! Apparently I thought (subconsciously?) that working at a Catholic school means I'm not married? I'm not a nun, nor are any of the other teachers! Ha.
I just thought I'd share a laugh with you, and fill you in on the church I've found!
Now, since it's WAY past my bedtime...goodnight!
So, I've been attending Oregon City Evangelical Church (OCEC for short). OCEC isn't a Quaker/Friends church, but since the nearest Quaker/Friends church is a little bit of a drive, I decided I'd look for a church in my community where I thought I could be comfortable with our differences in belief. Well, I was doing some research on yellowpages.com, looking through the list of churches and clicking links to take me to the church's webpage (when provided). I also took a silly quiz I found online to see which denomination I belonged to. Well, those things are never 100%, you know, but it seemed fairly close based on where I would put myself. So, it gave some denominations that were similar.
OCEC is an "Evangelical Church" that comes from the Evangelical United Brethren Church. I'm not exactly sure on the history here, but that's ok. I had never heard of the EUBC, so I called my mom and she said it was something that could work for me. She also said my aunt had attended an EUBC at one time.
Ok, so I looked a little closer at OCEC. It seemed fairly large (nothing compared to Rose Drive, though!). They have 3 services on Sunday mornings, programs for kids nursery-high school, the have a variety of "growth groups" that meet throughout the week, including "The Inn", which is a group for 18-30(ish) year olds. THEY HAVE A GROUP FOR PEOPLE MY AGE!!! Ok, now if that wasn't enough, they also have a pretty good music program, too! There's a choir, a praise band, they have instrumentalists (trumpet, trombone, etc) that play along with the praise band; the REAL kicker, though, is that they have a handbell choir!
Um...yes? I think so! I've been going for the last 3 Sundays. I've been to the "Inn" once and handbells once. So far, I think this could be a good fit for me. It's nearby, has the kinds of programs I feel comfortable with, and even better? They focus on service. My very first week there, they were doing a blood drive, so I donated. I think I might also sign up to help at the Harvest/Fall whatever they call it thing on Halloween. I need to find out my work commitment that evening first, though.
Anyways, now to the segue I was referring to. Tonight I went to handbells for the first time. Things like that are always interesting to me, because you never know what you're walking in to. The group was excited I was there, and a few of them asked questions. For example: Have you played bells before? How long? So on and so forth.
Then, someone asked me to tell them about myself: "Are you married? Do you have kids?" My response: "No, I'm not married. I work at St. John the Apostle Catholic School."
Now, you tell me. Does that answer match the question? I don't think so. They didn't ask, "Where do you work?" or "What do you do?" They asked if I was married! Apparently I thought (subconsciously?) that working at a Catholic school means I'm not married? I'm not a nun, nor are any of the other teachers! Ha.
I just thought I'd share a laugh with you, and fill you in on the church I've found!
Now, since it's WAY past my bedtime...goodnight!
Saturday, October 13, 2012
ESFJ
Elsa inspired me to retake Myers-Briggs. It told me I am an ESFJ. I remember being an ENFP! I suppose we change! Here's a description of an ESFJ from personalitypage.com :
As an ESFJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.
ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.
The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.
ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.
With Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality, ESFJs are focused on reading other people. They have a strong need to be liked, and to be in control. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with at the moment.
The ESFJ's value system is defined externally. They usually have very well-formed ideas about the way things should be, and are not shy about expressing these opinions. However, they weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system. They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values.
ESFJs who have had the benefit of being raised and surrounded by a strong value system that is ethical and centered around genuine goodness will most likely be the kindest, most generous souls who will gladly give you the shirt off of their back without a second thought. For these individuals, the selfless quality of their personality type is genuine and pure. ESFJs who have not had the advantage of developing their own values by weighing them against a good external value system may develop very questionable values. In such cases, the ESFJ most often genuinely believes in the integrity of their skewed value system. They have no internal understanding of values to set them straight. In weighing their values against our society, they find plenty of support for whatever moral transgression they wish to justify. This type of ESFJ is a dangerous person indeed. Extraverted Feeling drives them to control and manipulate, and their lack of Intuition prevents them from seeing the big picture. They're usually quite popular and good with people, and good at manipulating them. Unlike their ENFJ cousin, they don't have Intuition to help them understand the real consequences of their actions. They are driven to manipulate other to achieve their own ends, yet they believe that they are following a solid moral code of conduct.
All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments. They're not likely to enjoy having to do things which involve abstract, theoretical concepts, or impersonal analysis. They do enjoy creating order and structure, and are very good at tasks which require these kinds of skills. ESFJs should be careful about controling people in their lives who do not wish to be controlled.
ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well. They're traditional, and prefer to do things in the established way, rather than venturing into unchartered territory. Their need for security drives their ready acceptance and adherence to the policies of the established system. This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them.
An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others. He or she might also be very controling, or overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions when there weren't any.
ESFJs incorporate many of the traits that are associated with women in our society. However, male ESFJs will usually not appear feminine at all. On the contrary, ESFJs are typically quite conscious about gender roles and will be most comfortable playing a role that suits their gender in our society. Male ESFJs will be quite masculine (albeit sensitive when you get to know them), and female ESFJs will be very feminine.
ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.
I think this is fairly accurate! What do you think? Also, go take the Myers-Briggs and check out your personality page info! :)
The Caregiver
As an ESFJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.
ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.
The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.
ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.
With Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality, ESFJs are focused on reading other people. They have a strong need to be liked, and to be in control. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with at the moment.
The ESFJ's value system is defined externally. They usually have very well-formed ideas about the way things should be, and are not shy about expressing these opinions. However, they weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system. They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values.
ESFJs who have had the benefit of being raised and surrounded by a strong value system that is ethical and centered around genuine goodness will most likely be the kindest, most generous souls who will gladly give you the shirt off of their back without a second thought. For these individuals, the selfless quality of their personality type is genuine and pure. ESFJs who have not had the advantage of developing their own values by weighing them against a good external value system may develop very questionable values. In such cases, the ESFJ most often genuinely believes in the integrity of their skewed value system. They have no internal understanding of values to set them straight. In weighing their values against our society, they find plenty of support for whatever moral transgression they wish to justify. This type of ESFJ is a dangerous person indeed. Extraverted Feeling drives them to control and manipulate, and their lack of Intuition prevents them from seeing the big picture. They're usually quite popular and good with people, and good at manipulating them. Unlike their ENFJ cousin, they don't have Intuition to help them understand the real consequences of their actions. They are driven to manipulate other to achieve their own ends, yet they believe that they are following a solid moral code of conduct.
All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments. They're not likely to enjoy having to do things which involve abstract, theoretical concepts, or impersonal analysis. They do enjoy creating order and structure, and are very good at tasks which require these kinds of skills. ESFJs should be careful about controling people in their lives who do not wish to be controlled.
ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well. They're traditional, and prefer to do things in the established way, rather than venturing into unchartered territory. Their need for security drives their ready acceptance and adherence to the policies of the established system. This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them.
An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others. He or she might also be very controling, or overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions when there weren't any.
ESFJs incorporate many of the traits that are associated with women in our society. However, male ESFJs will usually not appear feminine at all. On the contrary, ESFJs are typically quite conscious about gender roles and will be most comfortable playing a role that suits their gender in our society. Male ESFJs will be quite masculine (albeit sensitive when you get to know them), and female ESFJs will be very feminine.
ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.
I think this is fairly accurate! What do you think? Also, go take the Myers-Briggs and check out your personality page info! :)
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Impromptu "party"
So, yesterday at our staff meeting we got split into little groups to read articles. While I was reading in my group, one of my coworkers (from another group) comes in and asks if we can have happy hour and play Quelf at my place this afternoon (since we have inservice tomorrow). I said sure, so she put a memo up today in the office telling people they could come over to my place.
Let me tell you, it is so funny hosting an impromptu party. No one showed up, except the coworker that planned it, so she started calling people who said they would come. Eventually, there were 5 of us. It was nice, though, to sit around talking and laughing with coworkers.
I love my job, and I love the people I work with-quirks and all. We're a weird bunch, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I enjoyed tonight. It was nice to spend time with them outside of work (even though we talked some about work things).
It's funny how you can feel insecure or a little unsure about things, but then all of a sudden have an epiphany that you're doing what you're meant to do. I feel so at peace about where I'm at in life. Thank the Lord for providing this opportunity, giving me the ability to teach, and calling me to it. I don't know where I'd be if I weren't here.
I feel like I'm rambling tonight, but that's ok. I needed to say this for me.
Let me tell you, it is so funny hosting an impromptu party. No one showed up, except the coworker that planned it, so she started calling people who said they would come. Eventually, there were 5 of us. It was nice, though, to sit around talking and laughing with coworkers.
I love my job, and I love the people I work with-quirks and all. We're a weird bunch, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I enjoyed tonight. It was nice to spend time with them outside of work (even though we talked some about work things).
It's funny how you can feel insecure or a little unsure about things, but then all of a sudden have an epiphany that you're doing what you're meant to do. I feel so at peace about where I'm at in life. Thank the Lord for providing this opportunity, giving me the ability to teach, and calling me to it. I don't know where I'd be if I weren't here.
I feel like I'm rambling tonight, but that's ok. I needed to say this for me.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
An October Exploration + CAR!
So, it's October. First of all, click play above. Listen as you read. Eric Whitacre is amazing. (Thanks, Julie for reminding me of his fabulousness!).
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Mom and I were looking for someplace to go walking on Sunday. We decided to go to the Tualatin River National Wildlife Refuge. I am SO glad she suggested it. Here are some pictures from that trip.
The very next day, I went on a completely different sort of adventure. I bought my first car! Well, the first car I purchased for myself, rather than a car provided by Mom or Dad. The check engine light came on in my 1999 Honda Civic Sunday evening as I was driving home from Mom's house. I took it in Monday (yesterday) afternoon to get it checked. The service man cleared the light, but he also mentioned that it was showing that I needed my O2 sensor replaced sometime soon-ish. He said it was not life threatening, but that it needed to be taken care of. I asked him how much that would cost. He said it costs around $300, and they don't keep them in stock. He said they would have to special order it, and that it is a job that takes a few hours, so I'd have to drop my car off for the day when I had it done. Well, I didn't like that. I had prepped myself for the possibility that I would need to replace the car when the check engine light came on. I didn't want to pay $300 to fix something on a car I was planning to replace soon anyways (I was planning on early spring). Well, I called Mom, she headed out, we got the car cleaned out and took it over. I went in thinking it would be mainly informational, but under the right circumstances, I would purchase. Well, they made it happen. They found a way to fit into the guidelines I had for purchasing last night (with some help from Mom-THANKS!!).
It is a 2012 Honda Civic LX. The color is called "Cool Mist Metallic". Pretty, isn't it? I still need to come up with a name. Any suggestions are welcome!
Okay, now that I've officially dorked out on a car...can I mention again how gorgeous Eric Whitacre's music is? October has LONG been one of my favorites from Whitacre. It's gorgeous, and the Wind Ensemble at my high school played it when I was a sophomore. Good memories are attached. I thought it fit a post like this...in October.
Happy October!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Writing
I had forgotten how therapeutic it is to write. Letters, blogs, whatever I write, I seem to feel better after I get the words out.
I skipped blogging last night, because I didn't feel the need for it. Let me make that a little clearer. I've been blogging more recently, because I felt I needed the outlet and I needed the "therapy" of it. Yesterday, however, I wrote a lengthy letter to a penpal, and I didn't feel the need to get on the blog and write.
Why is it that I can go for weeks, months, years without writing? I know how writing makes me feel. Can't I see the need for it to be a regular part of my life? I used to enjoy writing poetry. Lately, poems haven't been coming to me. I wonder, though, if it's partially due to the fact that I've slacked off in my writing? I haven't been writing, so my writing doesn't happen as easily. Does that even make sense?
Here's the last poem I remember writing. I don't know if I posted it on this blog (or elsewhere) before now, but even if I had, here it is:
the salt of my tears tingles on my cheeks
the drops trickle down until they reach my lips
and the tang brings back worse memories than this
i am overwhelmed with emotions that rush in
coming from memory after memory, hurt after hurt
you are a part of that and you don't even realize
that little thing was so monumental to my spirit
it causes more pain than you could even imagine
waves of sorrow, anguish, sadness, and grief rush in
the splashes on my glasses stain and gather dust
yet another reminder of what you have done
i could tell you what distress you have caused me
but that would be of no sincere help
you might half-heartedly apologize or make light of it
forever will pass before you truly feel penance for your fault
for penance requires tenderness of heart
that is something you do not possess
rather, your heart is stiff and black
no joy can be found in such a desolate place
but to those whose eyes from which it has been concealed
they seem to find your heart to be a cozy space
they lack knowledge of the deceit that you boast
this pain that results from your actions needs to be abandoned
forsaken and left behind to sink down, down, down
falling into the abyss that is this void
maybe then I can move forward
maybe I can be genuine with the world around me
show them the scars that are healing because of you
Um...does anyone else read that and wonder what was going on? I do! The date on the "sticky" I wrote it on (on my Macbook) is July 15, 2010. I was clearly upset about someone and some situation that came about. I have absolutely no clue who or what I wrote this about. This poem is pretty shocking, even knowing that I wrote it!
Do you find writing to be kind of cathartic for you? Do you have any poetry that you have gone back to after a long time that shocked you? Do you have poetry you aren't shocked by, but want to share?
I skipped blogging last night, because I didn't feel the need for it. Let me make that a little clearer. I've been blogging more recently, because I felt I needed the outlet and I needed the "therapy" of it. Yesterday, however, I wrote a lengthy letter to a penpal, and I didn't feel the need to get on the blog and write.
Why is it that I can go for weeks, months, years without writing? I know how writing makes me feel. Can't I see the need for it to be a regular part of my life? I used to enjoy writing poetry. Lately, poems haven't been coming to me. I wonder, though, if it's partially due to the fact that I've slacked off in my writing? I haven't been writing, so my writing doesn't happen as easily. Does that even make sense?
Here's the last poem I remember writing. I don't know if I posted it on this blog (or elsewhere) before now, but even if I had, here it is:
the salt of my tears tingles on my cheeks
the drops trickle down until they reach my lips
and the tang brings back worse memories than this
i am overwhelmed with emotions that rush in
coming from memory after memory, hurt after hurt
you are a part of that and you don't even realize
that little thing was so monumental to my spirit
it causes more pain than you could even imagine
waves of sorrow, anguish, sadness, and grief rush in
the splashes on my glasses stain and gather dust
yet another reminder of what you have done
i could tell you what distress you have caused me
but that would be of no sincere help
you might half-heartedly apologize or make light of it
forever will pass before you truly feel penance for your fault
for penance requires tenderness of heart
that is something you do not possess
rather, your heart is stiff and black
no joy can be found in such a desolate place
but to those whose eyes from which it has been concealed
they seem to find your heart to be a cozy space
they lack knowledge of the deceit that you boast
this pain that results from your actions needs to be abandoned
forsaken and left behind to sink down, down, down
falling into the abyss that is this void
maybe then I can move forward
maybe I can be genuine with the world around me
show them the scars that are healing because of you
Um...does anyone else read that and wonder what was going on? I do! The date on the "sticky" I wrote it on (on my Macbook) is July 15, 2010. I was clearly upset about someone and some situation that came about. I have absolutely no clue who or what I wrote this about. This poem is pretty shocking, even knowing that I wrote it!
Do you find writing to be kind of cathartic for you? Do you have any poetry that you have gone back to after a long time that shocked you? Do you have poetry you aren't shocked by, but want to share?
Monday, October 1, 2012
Not-really-Scripture-Tripping...
It's been a while since I've done a Scripture Trip. So, here's a new one for you.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9
Now, the reason I say this isn't truly a Scripture Trip is because I didn't "stumble" upon in while reading my Bible. I found this on a friend's blog. Check her blog out: http://alonewithmytea.blogspot.com
She's pretty wonderful. Anyways, she's doing this destroy your journal competition, and for the competition she's making an art journal. She uploaded some pictures onto her blog, and she used this verse on a page that she posted on her blog.
I LOVE this verse. Why is there so much truth to it? I am constantly planning things our in my mind (my heart, too). Do they ever turn out the way I plan? Of course not! How am I supposed to control life simply by planning things out in my brain? I often fail to allow for others' free-will, error, etc. God knows what's best for us. I truly believe that he does.
When will we learn to "let go and let God"? I need to do this in so many areas of my life. I find it extremely hard to do in the "love" arena. Not that I have ANYTHING to tell that's much worthwhile there. Love is not something I would consider myself knowledgeable about. Well, I guessed experienced at is more true. I know a lot about love. The Scriptures tell us about love. God is love. But let's be honest, that's not the sort of love you thought I was talking about, was it? If you didn't think it was, then you'd be right.
I was, of course, talking about romantic love. Worldly love. Now, I don't want you to confuse "worldly love" with lust. That's not what I mean. I mean love as our world tends to perceive it, rather than love as God has explained to us.
I am trying so hard not to allow myself to actively search for "Mr. Right". Can I tell you that this is one of my biggest struggles? I am always looking at the men around me as potential husbands. Often, the first thing I do when I meet a man is look at the ring finger on his left hand. How shallow and selfish is that? Could I PLEASE find his worth as a human being, rather than solely as a possible husband?
Ugh, I disgust myself sometimes.
It's something I do, though. I feel as though I can't help it. That's probably not entirely true, but it's hard to resist. Now, I don't think it's completely wrong of me to look. I don't think that should be the very first thing I do, but I am single, and I'm bound to meet my (future) husband at some point. It's extremely likely that if I do indeed someday get married, that some man that I meet at some time in the future is going to be that man I marry. HA. Re-read that sentence if you need to. I needed to, and I wrote it!
My point is, no matter what your plans are, or how fabulous you think they will be, don't forget that it's not your plans that matter! God has bigger, better, more valuable, and more beneficial plans for you. (ME TOO!)
I'm not saying it's easy to admit or acknowledge. Clearly I battle this regularly. Just know that it's true. God loves you, and His plans are better. They just are.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9
Now, the reason I say this isn't truly a Scripture Trip is because I didn't "stumble" upon in while reading my Bible. I found this on a friend's blog. Check her blog out: http://alonewithmytea.blogspot.com
She's pretty wonderful. Anyways, she's doing this destroy your journal competition, and for the competition she's making an art journal. She uploaded some pictures onto her blog, and she used this verse on a page that she posted on her blog.
I LOVE this verse. Why is there so much truth to it? I am constantly planning things our in my mind (my heart, too). Do they ever turn out the way I plan? Of course not! How am I supposed to control life simply by planning things out in my brain? I often fail to allow for others' free-will, error, etc. God knows what's best for us. I truly believe that he does.
When will we learn to "let go and let God"? I need to do this in so many areas of my life. I find it extremely hard to do in the "love" arena. Not that I have ANYTHING to tell that's much worthwhile there. Love is not something I would consider myself knowledgeable about. Well, I guessed experienced at is more true. I know a lot about love. The Scriptures tell us about love. God is love. But let's be honest, that's not the sort of love you thought I was talking about, was it? If you didn't think it was, then you'd be right.
I was, of course, talking about romantic love. Worldly love. Now, I don't want you to confuse "worldly love" with lust. That's not what I mean. I mean love as our world tends to perceive it, rather than love as God has explained to us.
I am trying so hard not to allow myself to actively search for "Mr. Right". Can I tell you that this is one of my biggest struggles? I am always looking at the men around me as potential husbands. Often, the first thing I do when I meet a man is look at the ring finger on his left hand. How shallow and selfish is that? Could I PLEASE find his worth as a human being, rather than solely as a possible husband?
Ugh, I disgust myself sometimes.
It's something I do, though. I feel as though I can't help it. That's probably not entirely true, but it's hard to resist. Now, I don't think it's completely wrong of me to look. I don't think that should be the very first thing I do, but I am single, and I'm bound to meet my (future) husband at some point. It's extremely likely that if I do indeed someday get married, that some man that I meet at some time in the future is going to be that man I marry. HA. Re-read that sentence if you need to. I needed to, and I wrote it!
My point is, no matter what your plans are, or how fabulous you think they will be, don't forget that it's not your plans that matter! God has bigger, better, more valuable, and more beneficial plans for you. (ME TOO!)
I'm not saying it's easy to admit or acknowledge. Clearly I battle this regularly. Just know that it's true. God loves you, and His plans are better. They just are.
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