Accepting Responsibility

It is incredibly hard for me when someone doesn't admit their fault when they make a mistake.  Honestly, I understand why you don't want to admit you messed up.  It's hard for all of us.  However, what's even harder for me is when we both make a mistake in the situation, I bite the bullet and admit my portion of fault, and you don't even acknowledge that you messed up.

There are multiple things that have brought this up, but I don't pin this onto any of my readers (at least not the ones I'm aware of!).  Most of all, this is about my students.  I admit to my students when I make a mistake.  I'm human, and I want them to know it.  However, I expect that they continue to show me respect despite my faults.  I show them respect, and I acknowledge that they are still learning and growing.  I want them to understand that I am too!  This is why it is so frustrating for me when my students don't own their mistakes.  WE ALL MAKE THEM.  NO ONE SHOULD JUDGE YOU FOR THEM.  Yes, I'm aware that people will judge you for your mistakes (because they're human), but in all reality, we should show one another some grace and understand that they will mess up from time to time (because they're human). 

Really.  We're all human.  Can we take a moment to consider that?  God didn't make us perfect.  We're made in His image, but that doesn't mean we are an EXACT likeness of Him.  I don't know about you, but if God is as wonderful and awesome as I believe Him to be, I don't think He'd feel any need to clone Himself.  Don't you agree?  We are made in His image, meaning we take after Him in some ways, but not all ways.  This is why it's so important to give grace.

Now, the part that is hardest for me, is giving grace when someone won't acknowledge their mistakes and admit that they messed up.  No, let's change that.  The hardest part for me is giving grace to someone when they mess up, won't admit their fault, and then try to make it out to be my fault.  Um, no.  That's not how this works.

I'm not trying to air dirty laundry via the internet.  Nor am I trying to point fingers and get everyone to notice someone's flaws.  However, I feel the need to vent.  As this is my blog, and the person I am feeling the need to vent about almost certainly does not read this, I am going to write about it.

Last week, one of my co-workers asked me if I could cover the door for her a few days this week because she needed to drop her "daughter" (exchange student) off at school and was afraid she'd be late due to traffic.  I told her I would, but could she please put a note in my box so that I would remember.  She said she'd write a note and put it in my box.

I went to California this weekend, had a blast seeing friends and celebrating the upcoming birth of a friend's baby-my "nephew".  So excited.  Needless to say, I was very distracted this weekend, and forgot all about covering the door, which days she needed me to do that, and everything that related to it.  Even if I had realized that I didn't remember the information, I would have expected the note to jog my memory when I saw it, and I wouldn't have worried about it.  However, I wasn't thinking about it AT ALL.

Monday morning rolls around.  I arrive at work, check my box, go about my business.  There was nothing in my box when I arrived on Monday morning.  In between classes later in the morning, I went back to the office to put something in someone else's box.  Lo and behold, there in my box, was a reminder note about covering the door.  It said Monday, Thursday, and Friday were the days she needed me to cover.  "Hmm..." I thought.  Really?  It's Monday, and the note appears afterwards?  Ok...

Well, she walks into the office a minute later and asks me, "What happened?"  I kind of looked at her dumbly, expecting more than that.  When I said nothing, she continued, "I thought you were going to cover the door for me this morning?"  I mustered up as much grace and patience as I could in my response, and said, "I didn't have a note in my box this morning when I arrived, and I had forgotten which days you needed me to cover the door."  She replied, "Ok, honey.  It was Monday, Thursday, and Friday."  I began to get a little frustrated.  "Yes, I got the note now.  I will be there Thursday and Friday to cover." 

Frustrating tingled through my body, and I felt like I had just been treated like a child.  I could not believe that my co-worker was treating me this way.  I let it go (I thought), and moved on.  Oh, little did I know that it would come up again.  This morning, I went to cover the door, and she was there (5 minutes before I was asked to be there), and I said, "I thought you needed me to cover the door?"  She answered, "No, honey.  It was just in case I was late."  I was SO irked by this, that I had a hard time holding my tongue.  I said, "Oh.  I didn't realize it was just in case.  I thought you knew you wouldn't be here."  "No, honey.  I wasn't sure how traffic would be, and I didn't hit any traffic.  Monday was when I really needed it.  The traffic was bad then." 

DID SHE REALLY BRING MONDAY UP?  Did I not ask for a note for a reason?  I am not stupid.  I know myself.  I asked for a note, because I knew that I wouldn't remember.  Tomorrow, if she treats me that way again, I'll make a mental note not to help her out again.  She's been rude, and I'm over being treated like this.

Then again, anyone who knows me will know that I'll have a hard time holding my ground and not helping.  I always give in on those things.

The part that amazes me, is that she admitted ZERO fault in the situation.  She didn't give me a note until after the fact on Monday, and she is treating me like I messed it up.  And what's worse, is that she acted like this in front of other staff, too.  Calling me out on my shit is fine.  Calling me out on my shit in front of people ISN'T FINE.  Calling me out on my shit and ignoring your own shit in front of other people is even LESS FINE!!!

Rant over.  I need to chill out tonight.  :)