Resolutions

This is the time of year when we all try to become a better version of ourselves going into the new year.   So often, I've "resolved" to lose weight, to save money, to stop eating certain foods, to start eating certain foods, to stop doing certain things, to start doing certain things. I'm making a broader resolution this year. I'm trying to keep it simple for myself, and in doing so, I hope to be able to achieve it.

My resolution for 2013 is to be more active.

As simple as that. I want to be more active in many areas in my life-physically, socially, spiritually, etc. I need to get out and do more in my community, whether it's exploring or volunteering. I need to get out and do more physical activity.  I need to meet more people, spend more time with friends and family, and stop being such a homebody. I need to stop letting things pile up, and take care of them sooner!

This means that I want to be a better blogger, too. I want to do cooler things (or just things in general) that I can share with you. I haven't been blogging all the time, and often I blog on a whim. I want to be a more active blogger.

We'll see how it goes. The fact that it's broad means that all I have to do is be more active than I am now, and let's face it-it won't be hard to be more active than I've been this past year.

So, as we go into this new year, I'm going to take suggestions from you (if you want to share them) of ways I can be more active. Any type of active counts.

Also, because I'm including spiritual activity, I would like to pray for you. Are there any areas of your life that you'd like prayer for? Specifically, any ongoing things that you're struggling with? I'd love to pray for you.

I wish you the best with your resolutions, and I'll try to keep you updated on mine!

California me vs. Oregon me

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a different person when I'm visiting in California. I definitely act a little different.

When I'm in Oregon, I'm less social. Much of this is not by choice, but rather simply because I have fewer people to socialize with. I also am calmer, more of a homebody, and eat healthier. I also don't post on Facebook as much.

When I'm in California, I'm out and about almost constantly. I am hanging out with friends all the time, doing things, going places, etc. I eat out a lot because I don't have a home to cook in (I think!). I am not nearly as calm. This calmness is replaced by excitement, anxiety, stress (traffic stress, mostly), and restlessness.

I like myself differently in both places. First of all, I love spending time with my friends in California. I feel most like myself when I'm with them. But when I'm away from them (still in California), I don't like myself. I annoy myself with the silly things I worry about or choose to do. I feel less healthy in California, as well. Some of that is the smog, I think. But I also don't eat well. I have a lack of self control in California that I don't seem to have in Oregon. Do I have a switch that's a vacation switch? Like I can do whatever I want because I'm on vacation? Or is it definitely a California thing?

Just some thoughts milling about in my head. There's a lot more that I could put in here, but I am feeling like I need to be done for now. Maybe I'll add more later.

Christmas Concert and Thoughts

Tonight was our school Christmas concert. I was nervous earlier this week, and some of those nerves were normal/common for me, but some were actually justified. My accompanist did not quite play through things the way we discussed. She is a sweet lady, but she apparently doesn't have the chops to accompany students that aren't great at following a conductor...


Anyways, I don't want to go all negative here. The concert went well, despite the bits that weren't great. The kids did a GREAT job following, even when things got changed on them in the moment. So, many of the people that read this (ok, the 2 that regularly read it...) know how flowers are often given at the end of a performance. Well, they didn't give me flowers tonight. Instead, they gave me this giant stuffed giraffe with a purple scarf around its neck, a purple hair flower on its ear, and a silver snowflake ornament on its ear. TOO cute.

So, random back story to help with an epiphany I had tonight. Back in high school during my senior year (my one year in choir in high school), our choir director did these interviews with each of the seniors that he called "Senior Spotlights". It was a fun way for us to tell our classmates what we were planning for college, what our goals were, etc. Well, the ONE question I remember my answer to other than which college I was attending (APU, woo!) was where I wanted to be in 10 years. My answer was: "Teaching at a private school, so I can teach Band, Choir, and Spanish all at the same time."  Guess what? I've arrived!!! It hit me tonight that this spring, I will be doing exactly that! Sure, I only teach Preschool Spanish, but it's definitely still what I said I wanted to be doing.

I never really thought of myself as a goal oriented person to such an extreme that I'd make anything happen like this, but maybe I am? No, I'm thinking not. I tend to work toward smaller goals, not the big ones like this...

My FB status tonight...

I thought I should share this here, too.



"Being human can be hard. We are fallible, we are emotional wrecks, and we are broken. We need God to make it through this life. I needed this reminder tonight, and I thought someone else might need it as well. Love God, love others, love yourself. All are important, but the order is even more important."

What a week!

I'm finding it extremely hard to process this week's events. Here's the details:

Tuesday afternoon, there was a shooting at the mall about 10 minutes from my apartment. 2 victims died, 1 was sent to the hospital in serious condition, and the shooter also killed himself.

This was hard for me, my students, my coworkers, and my entire school community. One of the victims of the shooting was a basketball coach, and one of my students was on his team. The coach was like a dad to this student. So intense. One of our teachers put together a prayer service for Wednesday morning.

Just 3 days later, the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut. This hit the staff pretty hard. We didn't tell the students yesterday; it's not our place to do so. We had a staff meeting to discuss how we were going to handle it, and multiple teachers were crying at one point or another during the meeting. We are having a prayer service on Monday morning for this as well, with all the teachers getting involved.

The hard part, in my opinion, is that there are 2 things that make Friday's events more intense for us. Number one, it happened so soon after the events at the mall. We hadn't had time to heal from that yet. Second, it happened at a school. We discussed at our meeting how school is almost like a second home to our students, and if they can't feel safe at school, where can they feel safe? This is our new challenge.

Prayers, friends. That's the key here. Our country, our world, the people in it need our prayers. Please pray for my school community, and all other school communities, to establish a sense of security and community within themselves. Pray for God's protection and guidance. Just pray.

Poetry

So, I wrote this poem tonight. It's based on a few different things. First of all, it's based on my feelings - past, present, and probably future. It's that caught-in-between wanting someone to know how you feel and not wanting them to know how you feel all at once. Second, it's based on the awkwardness of Middle Schoolers, which I see daily. Third, I wanted to play around with some words. Thesaurus work, I like to call it. There are a few spots in the poem where I intentionally created redundancies for effect. I don't know if it reads the same as I felt it did as I wrote it or read through it. I may edit this, or I may just keep it as is. It took me about 15 minutes to write, which is so much quicker than ANY of my other poetry has ever been, so you never know if it's good or bad based on that...

Let me know what you think. That goes for simple reactions to the poem or editing thoughts. I'm open to any and all at this point.

Just one look,
That's all it takes:
I melt from the warmth
Radiating from your eyes.
I am sure my ears are
Scarlet or Crimson or Magenta.
I am a puddle on the floor.
Do you see me here?
Please don't see me here!
Take care or you'll slip,
Slide, skip, fall down -
Down here with me.
How can I catch just one
Glimpse, peek, quick look
without getting caught?
Get caught! What then?
Awkward shift...
Look away!
Peer around my book to see
You looking the other direction.
Did you see me?
Maybe you saw me!
*Sigh* You saw me!

I don't know. Now that I'm reading back through it, I think this would be MUCH better as a performance poem than as a written poem. It doesn't come across the same.

Hesitation

Hesitation is not my friend. I get into a lot of "trouble" (not really trouble, but we'll call it trouble) when I hesitate. LOTS of hesitation lately. Let's get the hesitating over with and move on to something new.

K, thanks.

This morning's walk

So, this morning I went for another walk. It's becoming routine. That's beside the point, though.

It was sunny and slightly rainy, which meant there was a rainbow. It made me think about God's promise from Genesis 9. It also made me think about my trip to Armenia in 2007. When we went to Khor Virap (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khor_Virap), it rained a little bit. On our way back to the city, there was this gorgeous rainbow. What an incredible experience to be in Armenia, be able to see Mt. Ararat (where Noah's ark landed according to Genesis 8) AND have a rainbow appear. Can you imagine? It was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

Now, I've seen plenty of rainbows since 2007. More than I can count on my fingers. Today's rainbow, though, hit me a little differently than the others. I can't explain how or why, but today was a glorious moment where God and His grace felt more real than ever, as it did in Armenia. I'm sure my friend Christy also has good memories from that trip. I remember the day we saw the rainbow being a meaningful day for her.

I'm so thankful for God and His grace. What would I do without it? How could I live my life if I didn't know about His wonderful, loving grace? It amazes me to realize that there are people who don't know Him. How can they not see Him in everything around them? It's so clear to me, and I thank God for these regular reminders. :)