Changes

I remember in middle school and high school jumping with excitement to answer the phone when it rang. No matter who it was on the other end, I wanted to be the one to answer. There was always hope that the person calling wanted to talk to me, which usually meant a friend wanted to chat.

At that age, I couldn't talk to my friends enough. I longed for someone to call, and I used instant messenger to talk to them by internet in between calls, school, and church. 

Somewhere along the line I got weary of the phone. I no longer get excited when my phone rings. That excitement to talk to a friend is non-existent upon hearing my phone ringing. In its place is dread and anxiety. I often say, "What do you want?!" before answering my phone when it rings. Admittedly, that's a rotten attitude to have. I never look to see who it is before saying this - so if you're reading this and you're someone who calls me, please don't take offense.

It's not that I don't want to talk to YOU or specific people. It's that I don't want to talk to ANYONE. In reality, though, it's not totally true that I don't want to talk to anyone. I think the mystery of who-could-be-calling that induced excitement in my teen years is now met with stress over what-do-they-want and don't-they-know-my-to-do-list-is-already-miles-long.

It's not a change I completely understand, but it happened. I don't know when. I don't know why. I only know it happened.

Another change? People don't call just to chat anymore. There's always a reason - you owe them money, they need information, they need a favor, etc. Oh, or worst of all - it's a recording that you definitely don't want to hear: some scam about your credit card or your car warranty, or even just a confirmation recording about your upcoming doctor appointment.

The people that really matter still call on occasion, but the majority of communication takes place by text or email.

I think I'm ok with that, but I don't particularly want to hold onto that dread/anxiety that comes when the phone rings. I wonder how you change that feeling back into excitement (or at least indifference?).