Magic in the Unfolding

I changed my Instagram username to “magicintheunfolding”.

 

Here’s the text I posted (along with a photo I can’t seem to insert because I’m on my phone):

“New username, who dis?

I updated my username and thought I’d do a little (re)introduction in case anyone needs it. 

My name is Erin Wilson & my pronouns are she/her. I’m bi & demisexual. I’m fat. I’m pretty sure I’m neurodivergent. I care about human rights. My “day job” is in helping reduce food & housing insecurity. (Insert all kinds of other things about me here)

My new username is based on the concept of finding magic in the unfolding. I’ve had thoughts about the concept of “unfolding” building in my mind for months…

I’ve spent so much of my life focused on folding myself inward to “fit” into the boxes and corners and closets I’ve been told I belong in. But I’m tired of that. I want to be my authentic self, so I’ve spent the last several years working to unfold myself and find all the little secrets that are tucked away in the creases. Lots of them are magic! The more authentic I am in how I live, the happier I am! (Imagine that!)

I grew up in the church with all kinds of messaging about who I’m “supposed to be”, and I’ve actively been picking away at all the things I was taught and reframing my understanding of the world outside of the confines of Evangelicalism. It’s one of the many reasons I felt strongly about ditching my old username, which I picked around 15 years ago when I was still trying to live the life I had been told to live. 

I’m not that person anymore. I mean, I’m the same me…I’m just not pretending to be who someone else expects me to be anymore, at least not in the most important ways. (Because masking anxiety and neurodivergence in social settings is real, among other things)

This last year (or two?) in particular I’ve learned new things about myself. The anxiety I deal with? Might be worth diagnosing and medicating. I also plan to seek an ADHD diagnosis. I’ve learned lots of new things about my health, and I’m managing so much of it better than I have in years. I’m learning to speak up for myself and others in more meaningful ways. 

I’m expressing more masculine and feeling so much more comfortable in my body. (In fact I had moments where I questioned my gender, solely based on the fact that I wanted to express more masculine - once I wrapped my head around the fact that gender identity and expression don’t have to match, I felt a LOT more comfortable embracing my womanhood with a more masculine presentation.) And lots more!

I’ve outgrown the scripture-based, Evangelical username. I struggle with the label Christian. My faith has shifted to something that 15-year-old me would be extremely surprised by, and I’ve found all kinds of freedom and peace in it. I’m still working to sort out all the pieces I’ve pulled apart and find the ones that still carry value for me while discarding the rest.

But what I’m absolutely not going to do anymore is make myself smaller. I’m done folding myself in for the sake of others. I get to take up space - and as a fat person, that’s been a challenging thing for me to be able (and willing) to say. But my size, both physical and metaphorical, is as much a part of me as any other trait. And I’m done dimming my sparkle. 

So, welcome friends. I don’t have plans for changing how I post. I’m not a content creator, so you’ll get the random late night I-can’t-go-the-fuck-to-sleep story shares, the important political topics, and all the other randomness you’ve been getting up to this point. Just behind a different username that speaks more closely to where I find myself these days. 

I hope you’ll stick around? Unless you don’t want to. Up to you. 💜”